Today's Draw: Queen of Swords from the Nigel Jackson Tarot. Do you have items that once belonged to a loved one who has passed over? Do you use them and appreciate them, or do they sit in a closet? What things are you holding on to that no longer honor or serve?
This tarot deck has made a home on my bedside table lately and I just love looking at it. So since I brought it downstairs for yesterday's reading, I may as well do an entire week with it. Just so tarot peeps know, Swords are the suit of fire in this deck. And Staves, like we had yesterday, are the suit of air. It's usually the other way around.
The book that comes with the deck identifies the Queen of Swords as a widow engaged in a spiritual struggle over material odds. It's an interesting interpretation. If a spouse dies, you're left with all their stuff. You probably come into some insurance money. The money can't replace their absence in your life and you feel guilty letting go of anything that's theirs. That would certainly put you in a struggle over material things.
I know I still keep things of my mother's because I feel too guilty to get rid of them. But I also believe that she no longer gives a crap about any of that stuff. She's been gone 28 years. That's a spiritual struggle, too.
The same also holds true for those parts of us we've left behind...things that once meant something to use, but no longer do. I know I struggle over stuff like that. It was once something I loved. Like I have a pair of boots I'll probably never wear again. Who knows? But buying those boots was special for me. I had saved up and I loved those boots. They're kind of back in style, but they're more whimsical than I am these days. They're for a 30 year old woman, not a 50 year old.
And yes, I know I can give all this stuff to charity and someone less fortunate than me can enjoy them. It's not about that. It's about emotional attachment to things. And there will always be things we have an emotional attachment to...unless we're a Buddhist nun or something. That's why they shave their heads...to release their attachment to ego concerns—things that hold value in the outer world. Buddhism is all about the inner world.
So there's a struggle inside me. Part of me believes that, unless it's something I use and enjoy, I'm disrespecting it anyway. Part of me believes that holding on to things from the past that no longer serve is detrimental to my growth. And part of me just doesn't want to let go. It's a struggle over material things. And I believe deep down that holding on to this stuff is distracting me and slowing me down. And yet I feel frozen in the face of it.
Definitely something I need to look at. Every year I seem to make some indent in all of that, but not at the same speed at which I acquire new stuff. I'm cluttery. Probably no more than many people, but the size of my home and lack of storage space emphasizes it more. Ultimately, though, I'd like to be rid of it all.
What are you holding on to that no longer honors and serves?