Today's Draw: The Stone from the Dreampower Tarot. Is there something simmering below the surface that is affecting your health? Do you see how toxic relationships color your well being? What steps might you be willing to take to protect your physical and emotional health?
The Dreampower is a non-traditional deck, so The Stone doesn't equate to any traditional tarot card, though it is a major arcana card. The Stone rises out of the earth and is an outer manifestation of what is going on beneath the surface. What we don't see is potential. That is still beneath the earth. What we do see is the result of how we've manifested past potentials.
Ask any doctor and they'll tell you that your stress levels, moods and attitudes toward life affect your health. We all know this. Every thought comes with a chemistry attached to it. And those chemistries can be neutral, healing or toxic.
In the metaphysical world, many believe it goes well beyond that and that all illness has to do with our attitudes, beliefs and whatnot. Louise Hay (of Hay House publishing) wrote a well-known book called Heal Your Body A-Z: The Mental Causes for Physical Illness and the Ways to Overcome Them. For example, she says cancer comes from holding on to deep seated hurt and grief or a long-held secret. Heart disease comes from dealing with issues from a place of anger, not love. And gray hair comes from too much stress.
I think my opinions lie somewhere between doctors and Louise Hay. Now and again I'll have some symptom or another and I'll look it up in Louise Hay's book and there's a certain amount of truth to what I see there. I had a friend who had cancer and she absolutely had deep-seated hurt and grief. My mother also had cancer—breast cancer—and Louise Hay indicates that comes from taking care of everyone else first. That would be true of her, too. But I can't say I think this is true all the time. And some of the things I've seen her write of don't really resonate with me.
All that said, I do think there's more to how our thoughts shape our health than doctors will admit to. And I definitely experienced a manifestation of what was going on under the surface this weekend. A lot of anxiety was rolled up into a visit I had with my family this weekend. And the minute I drove away from the place we all gathered, I got sick to my stomach and had physical symptoms of food poisoning. But what it really was was spirit poisoning...thought poisoning. If it were food poisoning, everyone else would have had it. But it was only me.
Before the weekend even happened, though, I knew how toxic the situation was for me and decided I was never going to go through this again. It happens to me every time we get together. Either I have to change the way I feel about how I am—and have been—treated by certain family members. Or I just have to stop accepting invitations to be around them. I admit that there are a lot of expectations and insecurities I could let go of. But I also believe a family should be a place where your vulnerabilities are safe. And sometimes it works that way for me. But many times it doesn't. And the anxiety about which way it's going to go is not healthy for me either mentally or physically.
There is a saying that resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. The same can be said about anger, fear, lack of forgiveness and other such emotions. They poison us, little by little over time, until the feeling manifests as some sort of illness. And though it's hard for me to admit, I can't place the responsibility of the toxins I hold on to to anyone but myself. Last week we spoke a lot about how forgiveness doesn't mean you have to see the person ever again. It just means letting go. And it's hard to let go when you keep exposing yourself to toxic situations over and over again.
My dog Kizzie was a rescue dog who was beaten the first 8 months of his life. I've never hit him. But he's almost 8 years old and still flinches when a hand comes toward him. I kind of feel this way. There have been developments over the past year or two that might mean the dynamic with these family members has changed or is changing. But, like Kizzie, I may always flinch when I see them coming. I have a decision to make at some point. I care about them. I care about their families. But I want the poisoning to end.
What do you think of all this?